This is a stretch to call it a curry, but i haven’t been to an Insian Restaurant in yonks.
We’ve been spending far to much time at Aldi, and money. Maybe not money. Aldi is immensely reasonable.
Last week was the church garden party. We promised an afternoon of tea and cakes, great weather, and a pool for the kids. And thats what we got. I even got a recipe for a magnificent cheese sandwich – Mature cheddar, spring onion, carrot, and mayo. So simple its almost criminally delicious, but thats by the by.
I needed something earlier in the day to keep me going until such time that I could eat all of the homemade sandwiches and home cooked pies and sausage rolls. To that end, I had a Mumbai Mad Boy.
Its an obvious counterfeit of the Pot Noodle Bombay Bad Boy. To my recollection, it tastes nothing like. The Mumbai Bad Boy is more of a chinese curry. I can only rate it as not awful. It did the job. But its not a curry.
The ingredients don’t exactly scream of India, but it did however get me thinking about what a curry with a name such as a Mumbai Bad Lad might be like.
It would need to be, I suppose, a bold, fiery, street smart, wise cracking, sunshade wearing, train surfing chicken curry that captures Mumbai’s chaotic energy, coastal influences, and astronomical spice levels.
Lots of ginger, lots of turmeric, lots of kashmir red chili powder, salt obviously, maybe some lemon juice for a paste.
Add some onions and tomatoes, mustard seeds, coriander, garam masala, probably some yoghurt. Have that with chicken or lamb, or even duck. Throw in some peas and sweetcorn to keep the connection with the Pot Snack, and I think we’re on to a winner.
Another one from a packet. This is a new one for me. I don’t recall seeing it before, in either a jar, pouch, or restaurant menu.
Karahi curry (also spelled kadai) is a popular North Indian/Pakistani stir-fried curry known for its bold, robust flavors and thick, semi-dry gravy. It’s traditionally cooked in a karahi (a deep, wok-style cast-iron or steel pan), which gives it a slightly smoky, charred taste.
It’s usually served with naan, roti, or rice and is quick to make compared to slower-cooked curries.
I made this with just added chicken. Very quick and easy to make.
Verdict: Mid.
Its a tangy curry, which I like. A fair bit of heat that lingers on the lips and tongue for a while, but the over all taste was only ok. Each mouthful was ordinary and the heat only came on at the end.
The wife said it smelled nice when she passed me in the kitchen. Not exactly high praise.
It wasn’t unpleasant but no great desire to have again. 5/10.
Curry and Chips
Ingredients wise…
Seems legit
I can’t see any nasties in the ingredients. No E numbers, no emulsifiers, no acidity regulators, no preservatives or additives or artificial colours. By my own principles I should he able to eat this until the cows come home.
Curry Funions
These came from Aldi, and though not strictly a curry, they are curry flavoured, so I will add it here.
Balti Flavoured Onion Rings. Or maybe just Balti flavour rings. They are onion rings, but not onion flavour.
Curried Funions
What can I say, they’re delicious, which is exactly why I won’t be buying anymore. Aside from the rapeseed oil, there doesn’t seem to be anything too offensive in them. They seem fairly natural. But theyre not natural. They are cheap, they are stodgy and they are delicious. But they’re not a meal.
Far be it from me leap on every marketing campaign that is dangled before me, but I saw this ad on Facebook for a new range of curry paste and I immediately found myself in the world food section at Tesco. I also found the brand name, GymKhana, amusing. Something about a horse curry.
The Advert
But anyway. My tesco didn’t have any so I bought something else.
When it comes to curries I am a mass of contradiction. I am a foodie, I am particular about natural ingredients and authentic home cooking from scratch. But I am also lazy, and in practice have unfathomably low standards. I also don’t have a proper kitchen, so any help I can get with the preparation is welcome.
Two, for four people.
I went for the Spice Tailor Range. I haven’t noticed these before and thought it was worth a try. As these provide for two to three servings per pack, and there being four of us, I decided to try two of the options. Original Tikka Massala, and Fiery Goan Curry.
These cook differently to the usually jar of sauce, and I wish I had thought to photograph it. The sauce is composed of three packets. A dried Spice selection that you add to hot oil, a second sachet with more seasoning in which to cook your meat and veg, in my case this was onion, mushrooms, and chicken. Once the meat and veg was fully coated and the chicken cooked through, you add the final pouch of sauce. I was cooking two at the same time and took care not to mix them up. And I also bought some fresh coriander, but that was given to rabbits before I had chance to use what I needed.
Pan juggling? Curry juggling maybe?
Our curry tastes vary in the house, so two of us had the Tikka with a spoon full of fiery Goan to taste, and two of us had the fiery Goan Curry, and a spoonful of tikka, just to taste.
I served this with oven fries. Not proud of that. Real chips are so easy to make, and are so much better than anything from the freezer, but again, I have no proper kitchen, and even if I did, it was 32 degrees outside, and slaving over the chip pan has never been less appealing.
Presentation Requires Work
So how was it?
The chicken tikka looks darker than it should. Chicken Tikka should be an orange red colour like it does from a jar or restaurant, but that said, I have never made one from scratch that came out that colour. They’re always the same brown as any curry. Something I should work on.
I only had a small taste of the curry, but from what I had, it has the mildness of a coconut based curry. Perfectly acceptable, but it wasn’t packing heat.
The Spicy Goan is nice, and I would have it again. The heat is nice, the spices are very pleasant. It tastes like a proper curry.
By the end of the meal the heat from the Goan is kicking in and the lips are going numb. Thats exactly what we want from a curry. Bravo. 9/10
I had such great plans for the Curry Diary, and the follow up to the Kala Bhuna needed to be something special, something new. The idea was that we’d get the train and ride a few stops up the coast but I didn’t get round to booking a table. Best laid plans and all that.
The best alternative to seeing if they had a table anyway was to do something at home instead, but a combination of shredding my hand with a DIY plumbing job, and shredding my hand again assembling rust proof steel frame flat pack free standing shelves for the cellar, I needed something simple. I opted for a jar of balti.
Anecdotally
Balti was my first curry. Well, chinese mushroom curry and chips was my first curry but chinese curry and Indian curry are two different beasts.
That first curry was a Chicken Balti ready meal type affair in the early nineties. Call it 1993/4. The college years. After an hour on the bus I’d arrive home at about half six and see what was in the freezer, at least once a week there was a frozen balti ready meal and miniature naan bread to go with it.
This Balti was unique among baltis. It cooked for about forty minutes in the oven. And it was a deeper richer, perhaps even burnt flavour than I ever seen sunce. I’ve spent decades trying to find a balti even remotely similar but without luck.
Something like this as I recall.
The Meal
From the shop of Tesco it came. I really wanted something good. A nice slap up family meal at a trusted Indian restaurant. What we got was alright. From a jar.
Peroni, the lager of choice right now.JarsStarters
Peroni has somehow become the curren lager of choice, but I wouldn’t usually have it with a curry. King Fisher is for a curry, surely.
If we had been at the restaurant, we would have a pickle tray, the only dip available from our little Tesco was Lime Pickle, but I also got some Barjis and Falafals. I learned how to make Onion Barjis several years ago, and they were always better than store bought. What was I thinking.
For the Curry, I fried up some onion, fried up some chicken, and then added the sauce from the jar. Incredibly easy. Deeply unsatisfying. What was I thinking.
Unnaturally clean stove top…
For the side, I did McCains Fries. They’re cooked in seed oils, frozen, and take about an hour to cook in the oven. They pass for a chip, but they’re no Maris Piper, parboiled and deep fried in tallow. What was I thinking?
It is what it is.
Antithesis
What was meant to be a family curry night, with a short but scenic train ride, a few beers, a good selection of sides and note taking worthy culinary experience became me in the kitchen, cooking alone sipping beers, pouring out the content of a jar over meat. Frozen chips. The laughter and anecdotes and ‘how was your week?s’ that i had looked forward to, turned, replaced with the sound of ‘thanks dad’ and the stomping of feet on stairs and the slamming of doors, as everyone retreated with food to their own spaces.
Oh the humanity.
Lately, it seems like the universe is trying to tell me that one cannot cut corners in life, and what more proof do we need than curry from a jar.
Lesson learned.
Waste Not Though
I have learned my lesson indeed, but I still have a bunch of corner cutting futilities to chomp through. Lets not be over committing ourselves…
It was great to see one of our local cafes included in the Guardian’s list of best seaside cafes last week. Half Moon Bay Cafe, located on the shore by Morecambe Bay in Heysham is a genuine treat in a local beauty spot. I have many fond memories of enjoying a hot bacon butty and a coffee, taking in the sea air and the views of Morecambe Bay and the Lake District hills beyond, while the driving rain lashed against the sides of the cafe.
Zoo Cafe, 2009Half Moon Bay Cafe, 2019
The cafe now occupies a permanent structure on the site of the original Half Moon Bay Cafe which closed in the seventies, but it started out in a small trailer called the Zoo Cafe in 2008.
Back then, the wife and I would take a weekend stroll along the grassy pathways that crisscross the area from Heysham Head and drop down on to the beach, occasionally buying a couple of coffees if we had enough time or loose change, but the habitual stroll soon became the weekly compulsory fried breakfast at the beach, and the strolling petered out.
Half Moon Bay
Half Moon Bay is beautiful, and we’re very lucky to have places like this on our door step, free to use by the whole community, and there’s something for everyone.
Dogs bring their humans here for their daily exercise.
Have you seen my human? About five foot, green coat and carrying a red ball. Answers to “Woof…”
There’s the clean sandy beach.
Wild grasses. A haven for bees, butterflies and crickets.
There’s art. This one is called ‘Ship’ by Anna Gillespie.
There are both types of beach here, gravelly, and sandy, and the bedrock is exposed at low tide leaving behind rock pools, abundant with marine life, to explore.
More pebbles than there are stars in the sky.
If you like collecting beach glass, and who doesn’t, there are many fine specimens to discover. Some of the stones are perfectly triangular.
Glass CollageFossilized Toblerone and Chocolate Button (Pre-Cadbrian period) Beach Ceramics
You can park your glutes on one of the many benches, plant a deckchair on the sand, or even cast a line out to sea and catch yourself some supper.
The Other View
Half Moon Bay has an alternative view. We all enjoy Television and frozen Yorkshire Puddings, and for that we need power. And Britain, being an Island, is also dependent on its ports. The ports and power stations have to go somewhere, and Half Moon Bay is one of those places.
High tide in summerLow tide in winter
How many English villages can boast not just one thermonuclear power station, but two? The plans for Heysham 3, one of a new generation of nuclear power stations seem to be on hold for now, but nuclear isn’t the only way to generate electricity. We’ve also got a wind farm, a solar farm, and offshore gas comes ashore here. There’s a domestic waste incineration plant in the pipeline, and if the Bay Bridge ever happens, with its tidal energy schemes, this is where it will be. Talk about Northern Powerhouse!
Next to the power station is the port. A passenger ferry sails daily to the Isle of Man, and a freight only service runs to Ireland.
Sitting on the dock of the bay…
For thrill seekers, there’s opportunity to be blown to bits.
Free parking is available across from the cafe, but it can be unreliable at certain times of the year. Heysham is affected by roving boulders that sometime come to rest across the car park entrance and block access for vehicles, though the stay is short lived and the boulders eventually move on.
With so much to see and do here, its definitely worth a visit.
Admittedly this one is not a face, but it does look like an ear, which is technically part of the face, so it’s an acceptable entry. A beautifully formed ear on a Yorkshire Pudding.
Duggan's Dig 