“Are you all set for Christmas?”

Not sure who to attribute this question to, I’ve been asked it by everyone. Colleagues, the woman at the chippy, my mam, the kids. That literally is everyone. And I heard someone on the train asking someone else.

Am I set for Christmas? 🎄

No. I don’t think that I am.

Sure. The tree is up. And we’ve got a dining table this year, so there is that.

Most of the presents are sorted for the kids. Not that they ask for much anyway. I haven’t wrapped them yet though.

We’ve done Christmassy things with the school. Church fate, tombola. All that stuff. Trip to the Panto for the youngest.

We’ve been to the Christmas fair. Endured the madding crowds that we can enjoy hot coal roasted chestnuts and hot mulled wine on the ice cold cobbles of a foggy medieval town while listening to street music.

We watched our first Christmas movie of the season, not Die Hard, but Scrooged. We recently watched Yippee Ki Yay at the local theatre and I’m all Die Harded out for now.

There will be other Christmas movies, Polar Express, Muppets Christmas Carol, and it wouldn’t be Christmas, legally, without It’s a Wonderful Life. I’m not really about the Christmas movies, it’s more about the ghost stories that go so well with the season, and the Nativity, obviously.

Christmas for me doesn’t kick in until the house falls silent on Christmas Eve. When the kids are finally asleep. When the last of the presents are wrapped and positioned under the tree 🎄, and I scare myself giddy watching the old M R James episodes from the BBC by the light of the tree.

But am I ready for Christmas?

Not particularly. Not even turkey dinner and work disco, and two ghost story productions (Casting of the Runes, and The Signalman, both excellent btw, go see them) have got me in the mood.

We still have to visit family and friends about the country. Still need a few pints with my drinking bud. We haven’t done the pantomime yet. We always try to get the final performance before Christmas, the atmosphere is fantastic.

But let’s get to the heart of the matter, the title of this piece. The Shuddersome Shopping Season. I just don’t understand it.

It’s one day, and everyone goes nuts. Christmas dinner is Sunday Dinner, but with more choices. I’d be lying if I said that I made pigs in blankets, sausage meat stuffing, coca cola ham, turkey, goose fat roast potatoes, honey glazed parsnips, extra buttery mash, roast rainbow carrots, cheesy cauliflower, baconised sprouts and chestnuts, and two types of gravy every sunday, but roast dinner is roast dinner. There’s no need to go crazy at the supermarket.

I can understand that some people will be feeding large family groups, catering to guests and having to buy extra, but the number of people eating is static, is it not? The people at the shop buying crazy amounts of food must surely be offset by the people that don’t need to buy crazy amounts of food because they’re being catered for.

I am keen, this year, to not do that. There will be Christmas Day extras. Smoked salmon butties for breakfast, plus the bucks fizz to wash it down, for example. And I will spend all morning in the hot kitchen, drinking wine, listening to Radio 2, while I chop the veg and thicken the gravy. I suppose by then, I will be ready for Christmas.🎄